I'm so Scared
by AbbyGibbs
Summary: Why does Miranda, need to hear the three little words from Gary so much? Here is my attempt for an answer.
1. It's over

**I'm so scared **

**Author:** AbbyGibbs

**Fandom**: Miranda

**Pairing:** Miranda/Gary

**Rating: ** T  
**Spoilers**: Miranda's Christmas special (set right after "I do but to who?")  
**Summary:** Why does Miranda, need to hear the three little words from Gary so much? Here is my attempt for an answer.

**Warning: ** None that I can think of. Oh yes, there is one, this is un-beta'd  
**Disclaimer:** Nothing's mine unfortunately.**  
Author's Note: I started to write a fic with the same subject a few days ago, but for some reason while reading what I had already written I didn't like it at all, it doesn't me that I've thrown it away. It didn't feel right. But I thought I'd keep it because you never know what might come out of it after all.**

**I wasn't sure if I would post this, but I decided to do so after my grandfather died Saturday morning (January 31, 2015) I'm still not over it and I doubt, I ever will. I hope that write might maybe help me cope with it.**

**I just hope this won't end up being a complete fiasco.**

**Thank you to Miranda Hart, Tom Ellis, James Holmes, Patricia Hodge, Sarah Hadland and all the rest of the cast and crew that made Miranda such a delight to watch it helped go through a very rough time in my life. Thank you so much Miranda! **

**Review/Feedbacks: well, I'd love them, of course ****—**** who wouldn't? But please, only if you respect my work because it takes a lot of time and energy to get a story together. I love writing; I wouldn't allow anyone to discourage me from doing so, never. I don't have any problems at all with readers who choose not to go for this, but I decidedly do with those who write disrespectful mails just because they didn't get the ending they would have wanted. If you want to tell me what I might have done better within the story I made up, you're always very welcome to let me know. But if your only concern is to rant about it, then please, do it in private, okay? Thank you.**

**No copyright infringement is intended. **

**I'm so Scared**

Chapter One

It's over

_**"**__**The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.**__**"**__** Audrey Hepburn **_

"What happened?" Stevie asked her friend who was still sitting on the sofa, hugging a pillow.

"It's over." Miranda told her small friend in a barely audible voice.

"What do you mean it's over?"

"There is no Gary and me anymore." The taller woman managed to get out in a strangled voice.

Stevie came to sit in the sofa next to Miranda, and hugged her. "I know I'm not Gary, but I love... 'ou."

Such a sweet intention Miranda thought, but her friend's words didn't comfort her the slightest, if anything they broke her heart even further. All she wanted was to hear those exact same words from the man she loved more than anything or anyone else in the world, but he couldn't say them to her.

"He doesn't love me," Miranda suddenly blustered out in a broken voice.

At her words, Stevie disentangled herself from the hug and looked at the woman facing her. The blond woman looked at her in pure stunned astonishment because she couldn't believe that Miranda was actually thinking that Gary didn't love her simply because he hadn't said the three words to her yet.

No this couldn't be happening, she had done three years over this. It had taken her three years to make her friend see what everyone else saw when they saw her and Gary interact together. Miranda's head over heels in love with the man. The blond petite woman wasn't about to let all of it get thrown into the trashcan just because Miranda was afraid.

Stevie couldn't quite understand what was going on in her massive friends head. She's been drooling over Gary Preston for years, and been heartbroken when she saw him kiss Rose, even the notion of the woman made her feel sick. And all that for what? Letting him go because of three words he couldn't say? This was ridiculous It wasn't as if you couldn't see that he loved her.

Gary was madly in love with Miranda. All this situation was so sad.

Stevie sighed heavily, no she wasn't going to let that happen. She wanted her best friend to be happy and her old self again and she knew that it could only be linked to Gary, because the two of them were meant to be like Apples and Cinnamon, they go perfectly together. She had to act; she needed to do something to help them. The only problem was... what exactly could she do?

It's then that the petite blond woman realized that she needed Miranda to tell her why she was thinking that Gary didn't love her. For some reason, Stevie thought that there was more to it than what the man Miranda loved didn't say.

"I can't believe my ears." Stevie said in an annoyed tone of voice.

"What?" Miranda replied looking at her friend.

"I cannot believe that you're saying that Gary doesn't love you. I've never seen a man loving you more than he does, Miranda. There isn't a thing he wouldn't do for you. What's your problem? Come on. He even broke up with Rose for you even if he didn't realized it then. He asked you to marry you for cry sake! I really don't understand how you can doubt his love."

"I couldn't tell Mike I loved him because, deep down, I knew I didn't love him well I did love him but I wasn't _in_ love with him… You said it yourself, Stevie."

Stevie frowned not quite sure to follow her friend's train of thoughts, but then it suddenly clicked, the pieces started to fit together.

"You're thinking because he can't tell you the words, Gary isn't actually in love with you, You're thinking Gary has the same problem you had with Mike. That's it isn't it? You don't trust that he loves you..." Her heart broke for the taller woman. She came closer to her and gave her a hugge.

"That's exactly what he said before he left. I didn't trust him to love me. He said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust him..." At this point, her voice was full of tears.

"Hey, what are those tears for?"

"I've lost him; I've lost the love of my life!"

"Who says that you've lost him?"

"I'm saying it."

"Why can't you consider that the two of you can get back together? Are you really going to let the one thing that makes you the happiest in the worlds slip away from you?" Stevie couldn't help but ask her.

She was met with sad eyes; they were shining with unshed tears so much that it broke her friend's heart even more. Even a fool could understand that Miranda was madly in love with Gary Preston. The two of them are just meant to be. Stevie knew it; anyone who knew them knew it, even Penny, though, sometimes she would have preferred that her daughter would have chosen someone else.

"Stevie, I've hurt him. I've hurt him so much, you should have seen the sadness in his eyes, it broke my heart into a million pieces, which were broken into a billion more because I was the cause I'm the one cause this hurt to him... How do you want him to still love me after that?"

"Love is not something that disappears, just because you say something hurtful to the person you love like a friend or otherwise… Love is much stronger than that. I mean, if you think about it really hard you'll discover that you've always loved Gary. I mean, you've been friends with him for what? Fourteen… Fifteen years? During all those years, don't tell me that the two of you never had a fight or anything and still your friendship remained and it became even stronger, right? And when he had a relationship with Rose did you stop loving him?"

"No" was her immediate answer.

"You do trust me, right?"

Miranda nodded her head affirmatively.

"Well trust me then when I tell you that Gary loves you as much as you love him if not more. The words will come out in due time, I promise, but it's not like the man as ever had a long term relationship. He doesn't even have a clue about the effect he has on women..." She giggle at her last words, but quickly stopped herself when she saw the emotions playing on Miranda's face.

"I wish, he wouldn't have such a success with women." They all have such allure, like you do."

"You have it as well not that you really need it, though."

A pair of eyes fixed her in response. "Gary wouldn't even notice more or any other woman standing in a room if you'd be around silly. The man as only eyes for one woman and that is YOU, Miranda."

A smile appeared on Miranda's lips when she realized her petite best ally in all of this could be right. "Thank you."

Stevie smiled "I deserve a thank you indeed, but you know, you've got to stop thinking that people don't find you attractive..."

As she listened to her friend's words, she was transported about two years back, at the party, right before Gary left for Hong Kong. Those were his exact words, she hadn't given it much credit back them, but maybe, just maybe the blond talking to her might be right.

Then realization kicked in, she only wanted the ear the words from him to make it real, to ease her fears. On top of being afraid that Gary might not really be in love with her, she was afraid that she was imagining everything.

How could she ever be so stupid to not simply letting him love her the way he wanted to, he had done his best even better that his utter best to show her how much he loved her, but she had refuse to see it, she had refuse to accept it.

A huge grin spread across her face. Her heart suddenly felt lighter.

"We are being loved, are we?"

"Being much happier, are we?" Stevie smiled.

Mission partly accomplished, she thought to herself.

"He loves me, Gary really loves me." Miranda said laughing as she jumped to her feet and grabbed her friend's hands.

Aes they'd done it before the two friends started to sing "Top of the world" by The Carpenters.

_I'm on the top of the world lookin' down on creation  
And the only explanation I can find  
Is the love that I've found ever since you've been around  
Your love's put me at the top of the world_

_Somethin' in the wind has learned my name  
And it's tellin' me that things are not the same  
In the leaves on the trees and the touch of the breeze  
There's a pleasin' sense of happiness for me_

Miranda's face changed and Stevie knew her friend was over thinking everything again. She stopped her firmly.

"Don't." The petit blonde-haired person said reaching out to take her bigger friend's face in her hand to make her focus her attention on her. "The next thing you are going to do is talk to Gary. No thinking, just talk."

"Right!" She'd said it, but she couldn't move, she felt paralyzed.

"Move your behind, Miranda."

"Where do I start? How will I find him?"

A chuckled came through Stevie's lips.

"It's not funny!" She shrieks a tiny bit annoyed by her friend mocking her

"How about you text him?" The small blond woman suggested.

"Yeah that might be an idea." Miranda answered, as she somewhat frantically, searched for her mobile phone.

Well done, you doubting the love of your life that's the thing to do when you've waited so long for him. And when you finally get him, you managed to freak him out. Well done, Miranda, really well done. Now let's just hope he will forgive you, because no matter what you try to convince yourself of, you can't live without him in your life, Miranda, you just can't. Miranda lectured herself.

TBC…

**No worries, it will get better.**


	2. Gary's realization

**Note:****this is un-beta'd. I'd like to apologize for any mistakes.**

**Thank you so much for the lovely reviews. **

**I hope you'll keep enjoying this fic with this chapter. I'm not sure how many chapters there will be yet, three, four or more or less, I have no idea, all I know is that I enjoy writing this and that it really helps me cope with everything that is going on in my life.**

**I know the scene where Miranda throws her mother only happens in "The final Curtain" But for the purpose of the story, let's say it happened earlier, so bear with me here and the scene will not be complete either but it's for the purpose of the story, promise.**

**Sorry if I offend any of you by talking about Mike, he is a good guy, but I don't like him at all, I don't think I'll be bashing about him, but I just want to warn you, just in case. And as for Rose when I see her, I have the same reaction Miranda has when she sees her, with or without Gary for that matter.**

**Disclaimer:** Nothing's mine unfortunately

Chapter Two

Gary's realization

Gary Preston was wandering in the streets, disparately in need of some fresh air. He felt lost and to be honest, he didn't know what else to do, he couldn't concentrate on anything. All he could do was think about what had just happened with his best friend — the love of his life. It had taken them so long to get to this point and now the happiness bubble they'd been in for such a short time had burst.

Why couldn't she just trust that he loved her? Why was it so difficult for her to believe it? Words aren't everything in a relationship or are they? Why couldn't the shift in their relationship go as smoothly as their friendship always had? Gary wondered. He cursed himself for not being able to tell her what she wanted to hear — needed to hear so badly. He wished he'd be better with words so he could tell her just how much she meant to him. It would be so easy if he could just tell her...

Miranda was his best friend since uni,—they'd known each other for so long—, as he thought about it, a smile caressed his lips, she wasn't like any other woman he'd ever met. She's funny, clumsy… she has a great sense of humor. She can laugh about herself, she's never been anyone else than herself with him and she doesn't care one damn bit of what others might think of her—or at least that's the impression she gave to others, but as he gave, a second, more careful thought about the last part, Gary wasn't so sure of that anymore. If Miranda really didn't give a damn about what others thought of her, then why, was she feeling so insecure and have doubts about his feelings for her. Suddenly he realized that there might be something more.

It was not as if he didn't feel insecure either. He was scared, scared not to be able to meet her needs. Scared he wouldn't be good enough for her. Gary had known rapidly that he felt more for Miranda than just friendship, but he had been afraid to act on it, what if she didn't feel the same way about him?

What if they'd finally take the risk and in the end it didn't work out? He'd wanted to tell her, how he truly felt about her, so many times in uni, but fate seemed to always intervene which made him think that maybe, they weren't meant to be a couple after all. He had settled for friendship and they were doing pretty fine. Gary was convinced that even if they would have been together back then, eventually they would have gone their separate ways after they'd finished uni, probably not voluntarily but they would have. He wanted to travel and figure out what he wanted to do with his life, he secretly hoped though, Miranda wouldn't forget him and that they would stay friends forever.

Little did he know by then that fate would once again play its game with bringing her back into his life later when he would eventually come back to England. Gary hadn't expected it, but during his traveling, he realized he missed her, he missed seeing her ever day, he missed hearing her voice, he even missed her clumsiness, but most of all he missed hugging her.

What were the odds of being reunited with her when he came back home? Yet it was what had happened for them. They had, easily slid back, in their friendship as if the years, they had been separated, never had existed. A smiled spread to his lips has he thought about it. How happy he'd felt to see her again, that she was back into his life, wondering how he had been able to spend so much time away from her.

Miranda was his best friend, they told each other everything — well not exactly everything — though Gary knew he should have, he hadn't told her he married Tamara for her to be able to have her stay in England. The reason why he hadn't told her was because to him it didn't mean anything. it wasn't as if he'd loved her or anything, it was just a favor to a friend — a favor that could have cost him his friendship with Miranda — if someone should ask him why he did it, Gary's response would be… _I don't know why_.

It was the truth; he didn't know why he had accepted to marry her. Sure Tamara would have her Green card and so she would be able to study, but the consequences of that single decision could have been disastrous.

What if Miranda would have never forgiven him? What would his life have been life been without Miranda in it? Wasn't she the reason why he came back sooner from Hong Kong? He simply couldn't handle the fact that his best friend wasn't around all the time. If he was honest with himself for just one second, Gary knew Miranda was indeed the reason why he left Japan even though his contract was still open. And if he really was honest with himself he would admit that when he entered the restaurant and saw her kissing the new chef, Danny, his heart broke into a million pieces.

Rose filled his thoughts then, for some unknown reason and it hit him, like a ton of bricks, as realization drew in. He hadn't dated Rose because, he loved her, he had dated the woman because he thought he had no chance with Miranda. Rose had always wanted him to push his best friend out of his life because, she'd seen, what he really felt for her, what they really felt for one another, and that was definitely something more than friendship. There had been so many wasted opportunities when he could have told her, but he hadn't, he had chickened out every single time. When Mike appeared and he saw her kissing him, he really thought he had lost her for good because she really seemed happy and he didn't want to be the one jeopardizing her chances to happiness even if it meant she was with someone else.

Then, something unexpected had happened and it happened so suddenly he didn't even remember the exact circumstances of how it all started. All he could remember was that they were in the restaurant, something about Raymond Blanc, and that she had told him the word he'd wanted to hear from her for so long... That was something he remembered very clearly and would remember until the day he died.

He was mad at her that particular evening because she hadn't come to help him out like she had promises she would. She was there that evening with Penny trying to create ambiance like said and of course, with Miranda, they did so in a clumsy way. It had been the straw to break the camel's back he'd let out all his anger and frustration at her, thinking that once again, her issues were more important in her eyes than his. That they actually rarely were so, when she had told him, they were indeed more important he had demanded to know what was more important in a raising angry voice. To which she had answered him in the very same tone of voice not carrying for a second that the restaurant was full or that her mother was still sitting next to her at the table.

"Splitting up with my boyfriend, and telling you, I'm completely knocky heads over heels in love with you, I love you," the rest of the evening was a complete blur, he couldn't remember anything else except for the fact that he hadn't had any reaction whatsoever to her declaration. He'd been paralyzed, he could speak, couldn't move all he had managed to do was stare at her for a very long time. When he finally found his words, again he told her that he just wanted to stay friends with her.

How stupid.

How many times had he wanted to hear those words coming out of her? He had fantasized about hearing them even and when she finally says them, he freezes; the truth is that he was shocked. He hadn't expect her to blurt out the words to him, not like this. Not that she was with Mike — bloody hell Mike — Gary didn't like the man, but not because he was a bad guy or anything, no. It was the opposite in fact, he hated him just because he was with Miranda, and because Mike had been able to tell her what she wanted to ear.

Why was it, that when he finally had what he wanted, after all those years, he panicked? Why had he suddenly been so scared to ruin everything they had? Could it be possible Miranda had pushed him away because she was scared too? It suddenly occurred to him, that it could be a real possibility. Miranda could be as scared as he was.

He was so afraid to mess things up that it was precisely was he was doing.

_Oh God what have I done?_

He needed to talk to her; they needed to sort things out. He reached for his cell phone in his pocket. He was so concentrate on texting Stevie to make sure Miranda was with her that he didn't noticed the new indication board that had been placed there a few days ago and walked right into it. The impact surprised him, and he automatically responded "Sorry, Sir." and it's only when he looked up that he realized to whom or rather what he had said the words to. He couldn't help but laughed.

As Stevie heard her cell phone, she went to it to see who had texted her; a smile appeared on her face when she saw who it came from. The short woman briefly looked up at her bigger friend who was still struggling with her own cell phone. Miranda was so nervous; it was actually funny to watch her.

Stevie texted back.

_Yes, she's with me, but you guys need to talk. She loves you Gary, she really does. She's just so scared to screw things up with you. _

She pressed the key to send the message and a few moments later, her phone came to life again.

_I know. That's why I want to talk to her, Stevie, I made a mistake, I love her so much. I'm scared too. I'm on my way back._

When she read, Gary's reply, the smile on Stevie's lips widened.

Her finger frantically typed the reply she wanted to send him.

_You're doing the right thing, I'll be waiting for you and then I'll be out so you two will be able to tell one another what you need. I promise you, Gary, love is worth every risk. You and Miranda are meant to be._

When he read the answer of Miranda's best friend, he couldn't believe his eyes. Was she right, were they really meant to be? He so hoped she was right, because he couldn't imagine his life without her anymore and definitely not since they had crossed the line. He wanted that exhilarating feeling he felt when he was with her to become a constant in his life she was the only woman who made him feel like this.

Miranda was the one for him. She had always been.

All he wanted right now was to hug her and tell her just how much she meant to him even if he couldn't say the three words yet to her. He just wanted her to understand that he could not live without her anymore, ever, he realized abruptly.

Gary jumped slightly as he heard his cell phone make a noise to signal him he had received a text message.

_I'm so sorry, Gary, I'm sorry I put so much pressure on you, I know that you love me, please come back... Your idiotic friend and still fiancé I hope._

A smile appeared on Gary's face. Gary didn't text her back though he texted Stevie instead to tell her, he would be there soon. Ending his message with a wish me luck.

Stevie smiled. "Miranda...' Stevie started looking at her then continued as Miranda looked up from her mobile phone. What is it?"

"…I completely forgot Tilly asked me to get something for her, and she needed it... yesterday actually so I better go before she strangles me. I'll be back in a hour I think. Love ... ou" She said and left before her friend could ask her anything.

"Stevie wait!" Miranda started to say, but her petite friend was gone already and all she could do was stare at her apartment door.

Since when does Tilly ask something to Stevie? It's not like those two were the best kind of friends. They're friends, yes, but they definitely didn't share the kind of friendship she had with Gary. Damn she missed him so much. She always missed him when he was away, but now since the shift in their relationship from best friends to lovers she missed him even more.

Miranda wished she could turn back the clock so she could just accept his ring and they could get married in three weeks. He would tell he loved her when he was ready...

The next thing she knew her mother was barging in, and she was babbling something about marriage again.

She didn't want to hear it, she didn't want her mother to be there and annoy her. All she wanted was to be left alone was that so much to ask for?

Miranda watched as her mother placed the giant board in the couch again where she had placed it a few hours ago. It frustrated her immensely. Why couldn't her mother leave her alone for once? Her mom would settle with anyone as long as she could say that her daughter has fiancé.

Her mother was obsessed with marrying it was pathetic. Why was her mother so obsessed with it anyway? What is so difficult for Penny to understand that there only one man she wanted to marry and that man was Gary.

If he wasn't the groom there wasn't going to a wedding, it was as simple as that. The only thing was to make her mother understand that fact.

Miranda couldn't take it anymore.

"No mom!" Miranda said as she stood in front of her mother.

"You could always, call Mike, get him back from Africa... or there's Benji."

Miranda sighed heavily as she sat back on the arm of the couch and told Penny "How many times… first cousin?"

"How many times, this is sorry." She replied slamming one of her hands on the place next to her on the couch. Then she closed the box that lay on her lab before reaching for her cell phone. "Oh why didn't I think of that? One of the Middleton brothers… I'll make a call," she said and started to press the digits on her cell phone.

"Mom, no!" Miranda said desperately, standing up again and taking the cell phone from Penny's hands. She couldn't believe her ears, she was miserable because she'd split up with Gary and all her mother cared about was what people were going to say at her Tennis Club.

No, she really had enough of it! And that was exactly what she was going to tell her mother no sooner than right now.

"It's been two days since I split up with the love of my life, the man I was going to marry and all you think about is what they will say at your Tennis Club or what you will answer when they ask you who is your daughter with, but you know what? I've had it! I've officially had it, mom, with your constant meddling and your absolute inability to let me be who I want to be and say what I want to and say. And you know..." by now Miranda was holding her mother by the shoulders to help her out of the couch and pushing in the direction of her apartment's door while saying:

"... and until you can accept that, I want you out of my life."

Miranda then set her mother out of her place and handed her 'wedding board' before closing the door to opening it again two seconds later so she could throw her mom's cell phone at her.

As she closed the door, again Miranda let out a relieved breath. And walked to her couch "I miss you so much, right now, Gary."

"I miss you, too," She heard a very familiar voice answer her.

She spun around and there he was standing in her apartment, the man she'd loved for years was smiling at her weakly.

The first five seconds, she simply stared at him, but then she stood and rapidly closed the distance between then and threw herself in his arms. They hugged each other tightly, and Miranda couldn't hold her emotions at bay anymore and started to cry in his neck.

**To be continued...**

**Thanks for reading**.


	3. Good again

Chapter Three

Good again

"Sssh, Miranda it's all right, everything is going to be all right, I promise" Gary told her softly.

Miranda didn't answer him but Gary felt her grip on him tightened. He did the same instinctively.

The fact that she was holding on to him so tightly told him that he had been right after all. She was just as scared as he was though she would tell him _I love you_ whenever she felt the need to. Using words was an easy task for Miranda. Gary hoped, that one day soon, he would be able to tell her just how much he loved her.

After a while, she slowly pulled away from him, but only just enough to be able to look in his brown eyes. Miranda didn't say a word, she just stared at him. Gary's breath was taken away, by what he saw in them. Miranda was telling him so much by just looking at him; she was so scared that she might have lost him for good because he thought she couldn't trust him, his heart broke, at the realization, he had hurt her. Her eyes were also telling him something else entirely though just how much she loved him. She loved him unconditionally.

He wished she would see the same in his eyes, because he loved her just the same way, unconditionally.

Gary had never in his life seen so much love for him, shine in the eyes of any woman he's ever been with. Jacinta was just a fling as he thought of it, he wasn't even sure now why he'd started dating her and as for Rose… Rose had tried to change him. He didn't need and didn't want to change for someone else. He was who he was and if Rose couldn't accept that well, he just couldn't stay with her.

He had known his relationship with her was over the moment she said that he must have been glad his _thing_ with Miranda was over, Rose had not understood or better said didn't want to understand that no matter what could happen, Miranda would always be a part of his life. Rose really thought, he was ready the say goodbye to his best friend to stay with her.

Hong Kong couldn't keep him away from his best friend so how could she think she would. His friendship with Miranda's the most precious thing he owned.

Their story was entirely different… he knew her for fifteen years already, and they hadn't split up so what wouldn't this not development in their already strong relationship not work?. She accepted him just the way he was with his flows, his insecurities, and his physical butt that was close to none according to her. Yet she loved him anyway.

A slow smile appeared on his lips at that particular thought. The smile reached his eyes a moment later as he understood that he was finally, where he was supposed to be with Miranda.

Wherever Miranda is that's home to him.

He slowly bent forward and pressed his lips against hers. For a split second, she didn't respond, because she hadn't expect it to be so simple. She'd been so afraid she'd lost him because she'd pushed him away and yet, here he was back holding her in his arms and kissing her. She wanted him in her life forever, wanted to marry him, have his children, but she wanted them to start on clean grounds, because she never wanted to feel as miserable as she had felt while they'd split up if only for a very short time.

When he pulled back from her lips, he pressed his forehead against hers and smiled saying, "We can't even split up properly."

Miranda chuckled softly. "Thank goodness for that."

"Yes, you're right."

He reached for her hand and pulled her towards the sofa. They sat close to one another but when he wanted to pull her to him, she put a hand on his chest. "Gary wait..."

Not understanding her reaction, he looked at her questioningly. "Miranda, what's wrong?"

"Before you say anything, let me explain. I still want to marry you, Gary, more than anything in the world, but before I do, I also want to apologize to you for pressuring you in telling me that you love me. I shouldn't have because deep down, I know you do." She trailed off and looked down at her feet for a moment. She took a deep breath then and lifted her gaze up again to meet his eyes again.

To her surprise, Gary's eyes were smiling, and he was smiling at her when he reached out. Slowly Miranda placed her hand in his and let herself be pulled back to him and ended up sitting on his lap.

Not the best way to concentrate on what I want to tell him she thought as images of the night they had spend together flashed through her mind. Miranda felt her cheeks reddened.

"Gary, I'm serious, we need to talk."

"I know. I do know when you are serious, Miranda."

She sighed heavily. "Yeah, you do…sometimes, I have the impression you know me better than I know myself."

"Possible, but right now, I'm not sure of what's going on in that pretty head of yours?" He said to her as his hand reached for her cheek to caress it lightly.

"I'm really sorry for what I did, Gary. You have your reasons for not being able to tell me the three words. I should have understood that, I should have giving you time so that you could get used to the change in our relationship. I should have been patient with you. Damn it, I've been able to wait for you for years and now I'm almost managed to pushed you away because I want you to tell me you love me not as if I don't know it already anyway you show it to me all the time. I know it and yet I had to jump to conclusions — the wrong conclusions, of course, when would I start to do something good, huh?" She sighed heavily, resting her head against his shoulder.

"You do lots of good things, Miranda. And the best one of all, you love me." Gary told her softly.

"I do, do I?" She said smiling.

"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, Miranda."

"Really?" She asked him, lifting her head from his shoulder so she could look at him.

To answer her, Gary leaned in and kissed her lips tenderly.

After a moment, he slowly let go of her lips and press his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed. "I'm so scared, Miranda."

Surprised, she asked him in a small voice. "Of what?"

He took in a deep breath before exhaling slowly. Then the words blurted out of his month "of losing you."

Miranda couldn't believe her ears, how could Gary be scared of losing her? She pulled her head slightly back from his so she could look at him. She stood up from his lap then and Gary opened his eyes when he felt her move away from him and panicked for a moment that he had said something wrong. He looked up at her, wondering what she was going to do, and sat up straighter as he watched her. She came to stand in front of him, then placed a hand on his chest and pushed him backwards before straddling his lap. Miranda reached for his hands and placed them gently on her hips after that her arms snaked around his neck.

"Why are you scared of losing me, Gary?" She asked him seriously.

"I don't know really."

"Try again, Gary, you might know better than myself, but the same goes for me knowing you better than yourself, I think."

"I'm scared that if I tell you what you want to hear, you'll realize that I'm no good for you and that'll you'll run away from me..." His voice trailed off.

"Oh Gary…" She leaned in and placed a kiss on his lips before pulling back again and saying: "How could you think that even for one second?" She asked him.

"Miranda…" Gary started but she silenced him with a kiss.

"I won't, I promise. Fifteen years of friendship and we haven't split up, remember?" Miranda told him with a touch of humor in her voice, when she pulled back from the kiss, but she could sense that he wasn't telling her everything so she waited for him to elaborate.

Moments passed but she didn't say a word, she just pulled him closer toward her and hugged him in a way a mother would hug her child to try and reassure him that everything would be okay.

She really hoped that he would understand that she wasn't going anywhere. She had waited too long to be with him just to give up on them, she had never done so before, except maybe for those five minutes earlier when she thought, she'd lost him, but she would never allow it to ever happen again.

When he pulled slightly away from her though and he removed his hands from around her she felt certain Gary hadn't told her everything. Something was still bugging him, but apparently, he didn't trust her enough to tell her.

Miranda felt cold suddenly, she wanted him to put his hand back on her hips, the loss of warmth was almost unbearable. He pushed his hips upwards, which surprised her, was he really thinking about sex in such a moment? Miranda pushed on her feet just hard enough to give him more room for whatever he wanted to do.

"Gary, as much as I would love to do things with you, I'm not sure this is the right time." She started.

Gary looked at her strangely then, it took him a moment to realize what she was talking about.

"Huh? Oh… Oh no, Miranda, that's not… what. Not that I do want to but this isn't the right time. He showed her his wallet. "I just want to show you something."

Miranda's cheeks turned pink.

Gary thought she looked cute when she looked embarrassed.

Miranda was back on his lap, but she didn't put her arms back around him. She simply watched between them as he opened his wallet to retrieve something in it. Her eyes followed his movements has he took a picture out of and closed it again before placing it on the couch next to them.

He handed her the picture, he'd taken out of his wallet. Miranda smiled down at the picture when she saw it.

"That's you, isn't it?"

A sad smile made the corners of his mouth go up as he answered "Yeah, and my best buddy... Miranda."

Miranda looked up at Gary then; you called your golden retriever, Miranda?"

"Yeah, a strange twist of fate, I guess."

"We didn't know each other then, did we? How old were you back then, 6, 7 years old?"

"7. She's the only one that I ever told the three words to..." His voice trailed off once again, and his eyes filled up with unshed tears.

"Gary..." Miranda murmured, and then, she understood. Her arms went around him again.

Miranda heard him take a deep breath before he continued in a chagrined voice. "She died in my arms the following day, bitten by another dog. I haven't told anyone that I loved them ever since."

Tears rolled down her cheeks now, no wonder he couldn't tell her the words she so longed to hear from him. Miranda cursed herself, she felt stupid and guilty. Adults could be really sad and sick when they lose their pets, but with kids the emotional bound is even more important.

Gary had been traumatized by his dog's death. Poor thing …

"I'm so sorry; I brought all those painful memories back up." She said tightening her embrace around him. Maybe it was time for her to explain why she needed him so much to tell her the words. Right now though, she would enjoy holding him for a little longer.

Gary's hands were on her hips again, slowly she felt one of them move to another place, his hand came to an halt in the small of her back and waist as he was holding her against him.

"You won't ever lose me, Gary, I promise, and I mean it."

At her words, his hold on her, tightened even more. "I wanted you to tell me the words because I couldn't tell them to Mike while we were together."

"What are you talking about?" Gary asked her softly.

"The reason why I did need to hear the words from you, Gary…"

He pulled back to be able to look at her.

"What does Mike have to do with it?" Gary wondered.

"Everything actually." She said.

Miranda saw Gary make a strange face.

"I don't understand. Mike and I are nothing alike."

"I know, but you see, Mike told me that he loved me, and I couldn't say the words back to him. Well I did say them to him but only because I thought it was you."

"Wait a minute… was that what you want to tell me during the picnic before we were chased by geese when Stevie suddenly appeared as well?"

Miranda nodded her head.

"Is why you said to Raymond Blanc that is was ruining your life?"

Miranda nodded her head again.

"I just figured out I was in love with you. Stevie helped me understanding it."

"I wanted to tell you straight away, but I wanted to clean things up with Mike, but I couldn't. Then he said he was going to Africa so I thought I was safe… I needed need to break up with him anymore… and then Rose was back and I panicked… all that to say: I needed you to say to words because I never really could tell them to Mike because loved him, but I wasn't in love with him. It's always been you Gary. I thought you couldn't say the words to me because deep down you weren't in love with me."

Miranda felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders after she had told him the reason why she needed to hear the words so desperately from him, though now that she had said it out loud and that she knew what prevented Gary from actually telling her how he felt, it didn't seem that important anymore. What really mattered was that Gary was in her life and that they were back together, that they were getting married, soon.

"Oh Miranda, you always to put things in your head, don't you?" He smiled and kissed her again.

"You are the one for me too. No one can match up to you remember?"

She nodded. That was close to a love declaration Miranda decided.

"I'm proud of you," Gary said suddenly.

She looked at him with a raised eyebrow, surprised by his words.

"Thank you, I guess."

He chuckled at her visibly troubled expression; she had no idea what he was talking about.

"Your mother." Gary clarified.

Miranda's eyes widened. "You... you know?"

Gary simply nodded his head affirmatively. "Wait a minute, if you know... how long have you, exactly been standing, in my apartment. And where have you been hiding?"

His smile widened "You were so busy telling your mother to get out of your life that you didn't even notice that I entered the flat, so I hid in the bathroom and when you were alone again, I came out."

"Stevie isn't gone looking for something for Tilly, is she?"

"No, she's not."

Miranda laughed and hit him playfully on the chest, careful not to hit him too hard.

Her laughing slowly died then and she looked at him seriously, her eyes flickering from his to his mouth and back to his eyes again. She leaned into him and pressed her lips to his softly. Miranda pulled back again kissed her lips again, and again and again. Each kiss lingering a bit longer than the previous one until the kiss turned into a passionate one.

Their tongues caressing one another before they started dueling with one another, she couldn't help the moan that escaped from her throat then. She loved kissing him so much. Miranda wondered how she's ever been able to live so long without it. It wasn't like she hadn't kissed men before because she did, but none of them had ever kissed her the way Gary did, when he kissed her she felt sexy and wanted. When he kissed her, she knew he was enjoying it as much as she did.

It never felt as if it was an obligation like her first kiss had been, the guy who'd kissed her had done it because he had lost a bet with his friends. Miranda had felt used back then and she had sworn to herself that she would never again feel that way again, ever.

They broke the kiss in much need of air, their foreheads pressed together, breathing heavily. When Gary could breathe enough to speak, he told Miranda in a seductive voice she had never heard before. "You should check if the door is locked.

"You're planning on having your way with me?"

"Oh yeah."

At his words, Miranda felt a thrill of anticipation run through her whole body, so she stood up and went to check the front door.

TBC...


End file.
